i think i live in a space of complete and chronic injury

people just have no idea, they don't live there, they don't want to know and would die before getting into the depth that i am in

i remember when i was still on the autism message boards and they complained about my abrasiveness and being hurt and i was thinking, well thats always what's it like for me, why should i spare you when i am living like this constantly

i don't have to be a martyr or play a martyr, i am a martyr

mother teresa's rule  “accept insult and injury”   “accept injury and insults”  really resonated with me

its what i tell myself now

i am like a transparent ghost on a killing field, my blood is and isn't

i don't want to go on living like this

one day i will just get too tired of it

i have no escape